6 years ago, I hosted a Facebook group. (Yeah…, that was a trip on its own, I’ll tell you about it another time.) Anyway, I started my coaching company but didn’t know yet what kind of coaching program I wanted to create. I asked in the Facebook group what words they thought an introvert would recognize themselves in.

One of the members said shy, because it’s a synonym for introvert. This person didn’t identify as introverted and I know they were trying to help but, as you can imagine, not everyone in the group was happy with the suggestion. When some of the other group members pushed back, this person sent a screenshot from a dictionary. There it was, in the calm font that dictionaries always use:

"Introvert: a reserved or shy person who enjoys spending time alone."

I spent the next few days checking every printed and online dictionary I could find and I learned that 9 out of 10 dictionaries at the time defined an introvert as a shy person or listed shyness as a synonym. Right before I wrote this to you, I checked the dictionaries again.

In 2026, half of the dictionaries still define introverts as shy.

It’s a good improvement but obviously there’s still work to do 😉

I remember feeling shocked and angry when I first read those definitions 6 years ago. But, in all honesty, was it really that shocking? For years, I also thought that extroverts were just better at a lot of things than introverts. I felt crippled by not being able to control my inner critic and frustrated by the daily fatigue I experienced after work. Maybe extroverts really were better at jobs that needed constant communication with stakeholders and maybe they really were better in leadership positions.

It wasn't until I learned what being an introvert really meant and it all started to clicked into place.

Introverts and extroverts are different but not in the way that most people (and dictionaries) think. For one, introversion and shyness are not the same. Shyness stems from low self-esteem. It often starts as a child or young adult when you experience negative (social) interactions and these experiences cause you to doubt yourself. It’s not linked to introversion or extroversion, which are character traits. Extroverts can also be shy.

The real differences between introverts and extroverts lie in:

• the way you recharge your energy

• how you take in information

• when is your natural moment to contribute

The natural way that introverts and extroverts function are both valuable. Although they’re not yet equally valued.

After the shock and anger passed, came determination.

Taking away the assumptions and misconceptions around introverts became part of my mission.

That’s why I’m excited that the documentary film: The Introvert Utopia from Anne Vaandrager is due to be aired in December.

I also play a role in the film. If you want to know more about the film and when it comes out, reply to me with the word “Utopia”.

This film is for all the introverts who have ever felt the need to hide (parts of themselves) away. It’s time to give yourself permission to be all that you are.

Talk soon,

PS.

Sign up for more like this in your inbox 

The Exploring Introvert: A weekly newsletter about meaning, focus, and habits for introverted leaders

And get the free ebook "From stressed to focused in a few minutes a day with this simple habit for introverted leaders"