Client story: How you become more accepting of yourself when you stop comparing
How you become more accepting of yourself when you stop comparing yourself to others
Melinda is the owner of Makeovers by Melinda in Southampton in the UK and is a Make-up artist and Hairstylist with 30+ years experience in the beauty industry. She offers mobile hair and make-up services for weddings and special occasions to help you look and feel radiant at your special event. She has a Makeover Studio at home where she teaches make-up lessons online and offline. She also teaches how to use skincare and essential oils to help you take care of yourself. Melinda’s motto is: be beautiful, be well, be uniquely you.
When Melinda and Mariella first met, Melinda wanted to find better ways to connect with previous customers and to generate future business but she felt barriers to get the work done that needed to get done. She wanted to find alternative techniques to the ones she was using so that she could feel confident and excited to take on the projects she chose.
In a private 1-1 coaching program, Melinda’s discovered that her Natural Habit Style is the Painter’s Palette and that having fun & flexibility in her work is essential for her to be at her best. When Melinda works with her Natural Advantage®, she naturally excels at finding the best option for her clients so that they can feel radiant, confident, and good inside.
Here, Melinda shared what has changed for her a year after the program.
Why can’t I do that?
"I was comparing myself to a lot of other people. I was seeing what they were doing and it seemed like they were getting ahead and really quickly as well. I just thought, why can't I do that? Why do things not happen that quick for me? I know what I want to do, but it's not really happening."
On the same wavelength
"I'd done a couple of different group programs but I hadn't done 1-1 coaching before. I wasn't sure how much I would gain from it but I was quite keen to give it a try and to see how it would help me. I like individual things so it made sense to try it as an individual rather than as being part of a group."
"What made me decide to join the coaching program was mainly because I liked Mariella. I'd seen a few of her posts and webinars and I thought we were on the same wavelength about a lot of things. I was attracted to the way she spoke."
"We did a chat first (exploration call) before she offered the coaching program to me. She has a really nice, soft nature and she’s considerate. So I thought she’s someone I could actually feel comfortable with and open up to. She’s a very good listener and she coaches in a loving way."
Time to think about my business
"I enjoyed the coaching program. It felt like me-time where I could just think about myself - not so much about everyone else - and think about how I want to do my business in the best way that brings out my natural advantage and improve on what I’m already doing. Each week I was thinking: Okay, this is something new."
That is me
"I found the things that Mariella shared about my natural advantage and my natural habit style helpful. I was thinking: that makes sense, that is me, and maybe there's more to this. I was keen to explore it further to see how it will impact how I do business and how I am with people."
Stop comparing myself
"I'm definitely more forgiving, more gentle on myself. It's helped me to not compare myself to whatever everyone else is doing. I’m thinking: they can do it like that. I’ll just do it my way and I'll do it in my own time. If it takes me a bit longer than it takes me a bit longer."
"I was trying to run a masterclass before Christmas and I was trying to pack it all in. And then I got COVID just before Christmas and everything went a bit wrong. But I didn't beat myself up over it. I just thought: Okay, well, I'm just going to rethink and then replan and just do it differently. I feel more accepting of myself and the way I work now."
More understanding for and from others
"My husband is very much an A to B person. But I have an organic working style. Now I just say to him: Well, that's not the way I do things. I think it has helped him to understand that I don't do things his way."
"It's good because I've got that knowledge and when I'm talking to other people, I can understand where they're coming from a bit more. I can tell if they're more like me or more like an A to B-er."
Better at planning
"I know people usually say: Oh, but when you plan then you've got more freedom, more flexibility because you know what you're going to do in those time slots. I thought: Well, I don't know about that. It feels like it's too restricted because you've got to stick with those time slots."
"Now I'm saying to myself: Yeah, but they're flexible, really. I can move them because it's my own business. I do what suits me and not what I should do. I don't put too much pressure on myself with deadlines but, at the same time, I seem to be better at planning."
Having more fun
"I used to feel like I didn't want to waste any time so I'll listen to a training or a podcast. I'm constantly taking in information but sometimes you don't have any space in your head. When I started this year, I thought there's going to be more fun this year. Sometimes it's all a bit too serious. I’m going to make life a bit more fun with little things, even if it's dancing around in the kitchen to music or something."
"I've been really busy with make-up lessons. On Saturday, I had a lady who postponed her appointment so I had the day off and my husband and I went out for the day. We had a really nice day, it was just lovely."
More confidence
"I'm not very good at evaluating things. I tend to just keep moving forward. But when I look back, I can see there's definitely been progress. I don't think I realized until now, It's been a year since the coaching program and I can see how much I have progressed in that year."
"It's more like a mindset than anything else. If I’d give a number score between 1 and 5 about how confident I feel about myself, it was probably a 2 when I started the coaching program and now I'm a 4 or 4.5."
Your natural gifts
"If somebody was with me now and I was talking about Mariella, I would say: I've got a friend, she's called Mariella, and she's really nice. She teaches you about your natural gifts, your natural advantage, and how it can help you move along with your life, also how it can support you and how it can make you realize how you are different but in a good way."
"If someone was struggling with their own personal confidence, then I would recommend Mariella to them. Because if they don't know their own gifts, they don't know how special they are and what they have to give to the world. If they’re feeling like they're struggling, I’d say: you probably just need to do things differently."
"Even if you think that you are doing okay, you'll be surprised by working with Mariella how much you'll learn about yourself, about how you tick, and about how special and incredible you are."
Melinda took part in the private 1-1 coaching program. Read more about private coaching here.
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About the author
Mariella Franker, PhD is a former scientific writer and an introvert. She teaches introverts who work from home how to create healthy habits so that they have more energy & improve focus without habits that feel forced or only last 2 weeks.
She's a certified Natural Advantage® coach, associate coach at De Succesvolle Introvert, and founder at The Franker Message. She has been featured in places such as Cheeky Scientist, Quiet and Strong podcast, and MarieTV.
A first generation immigrant from South America, she now lives in the Netherlands with her husband and son. On most days, you'll find her working in her little office cabin or puttering around her home or garden.
